On a recent trip to Chicago my parents questioned me about my single relationship status. Like any other Indian parent with a kid in their late twenties they are ever impatient, wanting to see me get married. They’re one line of advice is the subject of this post:
“Son, if you see a girl that is 75% okay then you should go for her…”
Huh? What does that mean? Was I supposed to be keeping a grade sheet for every girl that I was interested in? No one told me there was a grade sheet for this thing!
My folks think I’m picky. In their mind saying no to someone must have meant saying no to a trivial issue. She’s too short/tall, too skinny/fat, skin too dark/light, or stank too much. In their mind, we are all the same… Most of us were born in the same “village of America”, attending malayalee Pentecostal churches with the same beliefs and values. The ONLY difference besides career, family background, and spirituality can be the trivial ones. If 1 out of 4 of those trivial issues doesn’t float your boat, don’t stop and get hitched!
The miscommunication comes from the simple fact that most malu parents do not really know how different we all are. How our likes and dislikes, values, and beliefs are so different. How men and women in my martial scope have such vast and varied personalities. I am looking at a group of a few hundred women and narrowing down to a few that have the most basic of qualities I’m looking for. Not all, but some. Maybe a 75% match. Of course in order for it to work she’ll have to like me too….or at least 75% like.
xenophilicx Said:
on June 23, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Interesting. Sounds like my dad when he wants me to date someone of the same ethnicity. It’s all very sad and frustrating :(
Things will happen the way they happen and they’ll come when they come, right? :)
sajabraham Said:
on June 23, 2009 at 11:21 pm
That’s hilarious, but sad at the same time… but I guess we gotta see where they’re coming from, right? For them its easier to just marry someone that is generally their type because the culture allows it to happen. I might be wrong, but it seems like everyone in our parent’s generation has roughly the same story of how they got the call from their parents saying its time for marriage and then it would just happen. But we also have to see how far they’ve come as well. From “this is the person you will marry” to “If she’s 75% okay, then go for it!” Pretty soon we’ll be able to make our own decisions. haha… Good blog.
Josh Said:
on June 24, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I don’t know about you, but “stank too much” ain’t a trivial issue.